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Affairs, Infidelity, Betrayal: Confront and Decide

$9.95

Are you trying to wrap your mind around a complex, private experience?

Highly dramatic situations tend to distract you away from the investigation of deep, core issues. 

I started working as an advocate for children and working with infidelity has oddly become an extension of that. While it involves sex, at its core, it is typically linked to childhood trauma and modeling. 

Affairs, Infidelity, Betrayal: Confront and Decide, is a workbook outlining the tools I use to help decode the complexities of infidelity. Whenever I start with clients on this topic, I push morality to the side, not because it’s not important, but so both people have the opportunity to equally investigate the underlying reasons, the why, for both of their positions.

Behaviors are explored through a lens of psycho-education as it applies to early childhood development, trauma and reactivity via sexual arousal cues. 

Similar to the one I use when interviewing people in my practice, the book provides a decision tree to help you individually engage in a self inquiry process as you develop your hypothesis for why events happened. 

Step one. Along with the JOURNAL app and Tracking Myself ebook you can see how truly invested each of you are in a self inquiry process and evaluate if your hypotheses for why events happened match. This structure helps you avoid getting distracted by the emotional deflection typically generated through your established patterns of conflict, collapse, or mutual denial. 

Step two.

Depending on your independent evaluation, you can work together or alone. Tracing how your relationship got to that place is key in processing and deciding how to move forward. Concrete tools are given to evaluate if each of you are in good faith, meaning your words are aligned with actions. You are directed to specific ebook resources for next steps based on what you decide you want to do.

Regardless of your relationship outcome, learning to ask yourself and answer important questions, without a veil of denial, allows you to rework childhood wounds, deepening your maturity, benefiting yourself, relationships and future generations.

Contents

  • Introduction: Am I Paying Attention?
  • Affair Origins
  • Confront 
  • Decide Why, Motives, Level 1
  • Decide Why, Motives, Level 2
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 30 minutes

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Client Workbook ISBN

$9.95

Would you like to make therapy or other forms of self-inquiry highly productive?

You can get what you want in life, but it requires some focus. 

Client Workbook is a workbook helping you organize complex, abstract information about your emotions, nervous system and psychology, to glean important data. This book follows the same protocol I rely on with couples to help them analyze their patterns of bonding and conflict. 

Observing your own and partner’s behavior, you create insights about past core wounding, beliefs and behaviors. Use this as a stand alone resource  or with the JOURNAL app, your partner or a therapist. Capturing your own information helps you make sense between your past and present. You can then more clearly outline your ideal future vision and strategy. 

Contents

  • Couple Alignment and Misalignment
  • Relationship Hologram
  • Core Wounding and Adaptations
  • Window of Tolerance
  • Identity and Integrity
  • Troubleshooting Lack of Progression
  • Future Ideal Design
  • Ideal Design and Goal Setting
  • Progress Tracking and Accountability Journal

Estimated read time, 20 minutes, (exercises) 30 minutes 

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Difficult Personalities: Am I or My Partner A Narcissist?

$9.95

Do you find others exasperating? 

Do you often consider yourself inferior and feel irritated or judgemental of others?

Do you often feel resistant to others and misunderstood? Or, feel others accuse you of this?

Emotional immaturity is a less dramatic term for difficult personalities or disorders. Due to traits, an early environment facilitated by immature caregivers that were confusing, hard to rely on and trust, children form adaptations to their personalities. Difficult personalities result from abandonment, typically intergenerational abandonment issues, as covered in ebooks, Resolving Abandonment and Rejection, Interpreting Trauma Responses: Dissociation and Reactivity and Listening Open Heartedly. 

As adults, adaptations play out in patterns of bonding and conflict within close relationships. To increase confusion, children from these types of backgrounds evolve into adults who are attracted to each other. Each partner interpreting, reacting and internalizing information through an emotionally defensive lens makes relationships confusing fast. 

 Difficult Personalities: Am I or My Partner a Narcissist?  is a workbook written from how I approach this topic in my practice. Sidestepping past the dramatic conversation of pathologizing oneself or partner, you can first non-judgmentally evaluate your own and your partners manipulation tactics through a communication analysis. 

Psychoeducation about child development, trauma and reactivity is then shared in response to the questions, “Why would someone communicate in such convoluted ways?” and “They don’t realize they are doing it?” “Don’t they realize I’m not a bad person?” “Aren’t they just lazy or forgetful?” among others. 

Corresponding with books, Mate Selection: Rate Your Match, Affairs, Infidelity, Betrayal: Confront and Decide, Trusting Myself, tools are given to help you evaluate the motives and severity of yours or your partners communication tactics. 

Use as a stand alone resource, with the JOURNAL app to track patterns or a therapist, you can decrease your use of denial and tolerate in a loving way, telling yourself deeper, harder truths that you need to acknowledge.

Inviting self inquiry by holding a mirror to your communication defense tactics and psychology, you can bypass your own drama and negative attention seeking and focus on resolving your early unprocessed childhood abandonment trauma. Becoming more competent, you deepen your own maturity, benefitting the future relationships for yourself and your children.    

Contents

  • Introduction: What is Personality?
  • (How You Avoid) Looking In The Mirror
  • (Not) Looking Within
  • Why Are You In The Theater?
  •  (Not) Considering Changing? (Skills)
  • Communicating with Difficult Personalities (Skills) 
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 46 minutes

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Feeling Grief, Loss, Anger

$9.95

What lost? What’s left? What’s possible? 

These three questions built the core of my training as a grief counselor. While simple, they give you tools to assess your losses, experience the associated feelings and organically start to build your new beginnings.

Feeling Grief, Loss, Anger, is a workbook and supportive companion by your side while you navigate grief. Understanding what has been lost, what’s left, what’s possible, building a personalized plan allows you to move forward without subconsciously punishing yourself. Along with ebooks, Retrieving My Childhood Self and Resolving Abandonment and Rejection, helping you consolidate grief deepens your maturity, benefiting yourself, all relationships and future generations.

Dealing with grief in real time is ideal. Whenever you encode a difficult experience within a supportive context you heal better. You recall past pain with support, increasing feelings of trust in yourself, with others and the world. 

A lot of times you need to do grief work that’s retroactive. Unprocessed pain is tied to earlier events long ago that you dealt with in more of an isolated way. You didn’t have the luxury, meaning the developmental consciousness, emotional support or space to process at that time. Now you can. 

Contents

  • Introduction: What lost? What’s left? What’s possible? 
  • What’s lost? 
  • What’s left?
  • What’s possible?
  • What’s productive? (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 30 minutes

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Getting What I Want: Personal, Love Life, Career

$9.95

What would life look like if you asked yourself, “What do I really, really want?” 

If you are truly happy with what you have, you respect yourself. 

If not,  you tend to be judgemental, resentful, immature, with yourself and others. 

You might have been taught to settle for less, convincing yourself what you have is good enough. Or, told it’s childish to risk a sure thing for an ambitious dream. Your parents might have modeled to you that being an adult means becoming skilled at coping with circumstances, not building an ideal, happy existence.

You might not have had the time to consider what you want. 

Or, perhaps you internalized others’ expectations. You wanted to be a good daughter, son, mother, father. Or, maybe you were taught that getting what you want is selfish and takes away from someone else. Or, maybe you formed a belief that you weren’t good enough?

Getting What I Want is a workbook that gives you concrete ways to help you ask and answer the question, “What do I really, really want?”

Once you allow yourself to ask this question, a world of opportunity opens in your personal, romantic and work life. It’s your life, shape it how you’d like it to be.

Contents

  • Introduction
  • Adaptations
  • Mindset
  • Envisioning 
  • Goal Setting 
  • Organizing 

 

Estimated read time, 32 minutes, (exercises) 30 minutes 

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Healing From a Divorce: Separate, Recover, Rediscover

$9.95

Do you feel at peace about your divorce? 

Healing well is a gift to your future self. If you can look into a mirror and tell yourself why you had to divorce without too much self loathing or victimization, you’re much more likely to heal well from your divorce, increasing your chances to be successful in a future relationship. Your children are also more likely to find high quality future partnerships themselves. 

Healing From A Divorce: Separate, Recover, Rediscover, is a workbook designed to help you process each difficult phase of divorce decreasing the likelihood of subconsciously punishing yourself post divorce, leading to future relationship sabotage. 

Divorce, while usually deeply painful, tends to be a highly productive growth period. The question, How did I get to this point? leads to an unpacking of previously unexplored and unresolved family of origin and previous relationship issues. Unraveling your assumed subconscious and conscious beliefs that previous relationships were built on, creates an exciting opportunity to reimagine yourself. 

All of this life un-doing and identity re-imagining increases both anxiety and excitement about the unknown until it becomes your new normal. This book offers concrete skills on how to process emotions and communicate to yourself, ex and children. As your competency increases so does your stamina and hope. 

Contents

  • Introduction: Emerging From Loneliness
  • Separate: Creative Destruction
  • Recover: Idealized Design 
  • Rediscover: Rejection & Identity
  • What to Say (Scripts)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 30 minutes

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Heartfelt Communication

$9.95

Do you know what speaking from your heart feels like? Do you want to?

Speaking from the heart is a free gift you deserve in your life.

Heartfelt Communication is a workbook to help you decrease distraction and tune into emotional truths when communicating to yourself and others. 

Lots of reasons can explain why you stop speaking from the heart. 

Perhaps you didn’t experience your early caregivers giving you heartfelt communication due to their unresolved childhood hurts. Or, you might have experienced too much unresolved grief in your life, bruising your heart. You might feel guilty, like you should be punished for something, not deserving goodness from the heart. Perhaps you have a feeling of disappointment in others mixed up with feeling guilty, needing support to untangle what’s what.  

Regardless of why, this workbook invites you to first communicate from a heartfelt place to yourself, which then can spread to your relationships. Heartfelt communication, an ability many babies are born with, but that gets complicated, is a gift you can reclaim for yourself. As you share it with others  who are able to recognize, value and appreciate it, like a blood transfusion, your heart gets healthier, life becomes richer. 

Contents

  • Adaptations: Communication (Subject Specific Examples)
  • How Well Do You (or Your Partner) Communicate From the Heart?
  • Positive Beliefs about Heartfelt Communication
  • Skills & Scripts
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 20 minutes

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Interpreting Trauma Responses: Dissociation and Reactivity

$9.95

Do you tend to attribute frustration with someone or with yourself to personality?  “It’s just the way they (or I) am.” 

While it’s efficient in the moment to bypass the challenging detective work to find out why you or another is reacting in a certain way, it limits growth in the long run. Being stuck in a typecast role limits you from developing your full identity and life. 

Interpreting Trauma Responses: Dissociation and Reactivity is a workbook designed to go deeper into unprocessed childhood material that lies beneath the surface of your reactions. You often have been reacting for so long, you correlate an emotional defense as your innate personality.

Similar to ebooks, Resolving Abandonment and Rejection, Retrieving My Childhood Self, Feeling Grief, Loss, Anger, a lot of my clinical work is analyzing patterns of bonding and conflict to interpret emotional and psychological issues underlying each person’s reactions. This book outlines the tools to do so for yourself.

This can be used as a stand alone resource, with the JOURNAL app, with your partner or a therapist. Understanding your adaptations, defense mechanisms, ego, conflict tolerance, and your fight or flight response systems allows you to deepen your maturity, benefiting yourself and all your relationships. Your hard won efforts forever alter your intergenerational legacy of trauma. 

Contents

  • Introduction: I’ve been saying the same thing and they always forget…
  • Defense Mechanisms
  •  Ego, Conflict and Intimacy Tolerance
  • Camouflage- Introverted Defenses (Skills)
  • Fire:-Extroverted Defenses (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 28 minutes

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Listening Open Heartedly

$9.95

Do you listen to yourself? Were you listened to?

Simply stated, listening is love.

If you’re not great at it, all relationships suffer. Starting with the one with yourself, spreading into those with others. Listening is a skill you can improve.

Listening Open Heartedly is a workbook designed to help you, or your partner, learn to listen deeply from your heart, a deceptively complex skill. Concrete skills are given to decrease distraction and tune into emotional truths. Learning to listen closely, first to yourself, you connect deeper to your own emotions. Increasing your ability to feel internally, you deepen your relationship to your own vulnerability, allowing you to better recognize the emotions of others. Listening from your heart, you move beyond others’ spoken words, and emotional defenses, to hear what their vulnerable heart is trying to tell you.
Contents
Introduction
eBook Architecture
Adaptations: Listening
How Well Do You (or Your Partner) Listen?
Beliefs about Listening
Skills & Scripts
Resources

Estimated read time, 22 minutes

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Love Sex Trust and Money

$9.95

How do your needs for intimacy and safety influence your perception of worth? 

Your reality is shaped by your perceptions. The ways in which you interpret yourself, your partner and relationship, is directly shaped by how you perceive value. These perceptions, while often not examined directly, are highly influential. 

Love Sex Trust and Money is a workbook, similar to Securing the Relationship Perimeter: Close Up, With Others, Long Distance and Mate Selection: Rate Your  Mate, exploring your subconscious and underlying relationship psychology. Incorporating evolutionary, financial and attraction psychology to explore how humans, as  social animals, express value as resources, mark territory, mask insecurity, and establish social hierarchy and positioning of status. 

Helping you evaluate how you were influenced, via your family of origin’s intergenerational experiences with class, love, and trauma. Unpacking how your family modeled to you about both the psychology of money and financial habits.  

Concrete tools given to help you assess and respond to your underlying psychology and habits that have been sabotaging you or your partner, holding your relationship back. Laying out the past increases your success with using methods of idealized design alone or with your partner to envision your ideal Love Sex Trust and Money relationship. 

Contents

  • Introduction: [Money, Love, Worth]
  • Intergenerational Baggage [Money, Love, Worth]
  • Money and Sex (Interview)
  • Financial Framework (Interview)
  • Idealized Financial Design (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 25 minutes

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Love Sex Trust: An Overview

$9.95

What if building a happy relationship to Love Sex Trust transformed your life?

Humans are often motivated towards wanting an intimate connection.

Motivated by sexual desire, intimacy, safety, and an existential sense of purpose, you are wired to connect. This does not mean things will unfold smoothly.

  • Are you trying to decide to stay or go?
  • Do you bargain? “This is all there is, I need to be grateful.”
  • Do you feel blocked from getting closer?
  • Are you bored with sex?
  • Are you curious about the potential your relationship can have?

Love Sex Trust: An Overview describes a mindset and approach. Evolving from being in private practice, years spent analyzing, in detail, what makes people suffer in relationships, what you really want instead and how to obtain and sustain something better.

Love Sex Trust describes a feedback loop. Each element influences the quality of the other. You tend to be fulfilled in relationships when these three intertwined elements work well. You tend to be unhappy when they are blocked.  The way these elements are enacted consciously and subconsciously in your current relationship is influenced by how you experienced your family of origin, core beliefs, parent’s modeling and previous relationships. 

In my work, I see, a simple wish resurfaces consistently, whether it’s stated positively or defensively, you want more love. That goal is realistic and attainable. 

Contents

  • Introduction
  • Adaptations: Love Sex Trust 
  • How Do You Love Sex Trust? 
  • Writing My Love Story
  • Resources

Estimated read time,  27 minutes

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Love-Sex-Trust: A Guide

$9.95

Put simply, we are motivated by love and sex. You are wired for connection and designed to physically demonstrate love. Yet that does not mean things will unfold smoothly.

  • Are you trying to decide to stay or go?
  • Do you feel blocked from getting closer?
  • Are you bored with sex?
  • Are you curious about the potential your relationship can have?

While aspects of love and sex can be analyzed logically, much is difficult to explain. What is true is that Love-Sex-Trust are completely intertwined.

A simple wish resurfaces consistently. You want happier love lives. The Love-Sex-Trust approach has evolved out of years spent analyzing, in detail, what makes people suffer in relationships, what you really want instead and how to obtain and sustain something better.

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Mate Selection: Rate Your Match

$9.95

Do you believe you can find someone who is safe, exciting and gets you? 

Dating tends to elicit an overall negative reaction as you associate it with past experiences of longing for a partner amidst the ups and downs of loneliness and hopefulness. Or, with selecting someone you feel is perfect upfront to later experience a different dimension of their personality, hurting your heart and making you mistrust your judgment. 

Knowing truly what you want in dating, like in all areas of life, is the first, sometimes hardest step, towards achieving it. Next is knowing who you are and who you best fit with. Then, how to enjoy the relationship while also evaluating compatibility over time. These are skills you can improve.    

Mate Selection: Rate Your Match is a workbook designed to help you build your personalized roadmap to finding your ideal match. The book, similar to Securing the Relationship Perimeter: Close Up, With Others, Long Distance, is a workbook, similar to Love Sex Trust and Money explores subconscious and underlying relationship psychology. Incorporating evolutionary, financial and attraction psychology to explore how humans, as social animals, express value as resources, mark territory, mask insecurity, and establish social hierarchy and positioning of status. 

Whether focusing on your career or love life,  compatibility is key. From my experiences as a counselor specializing in both arenas, I distilled elements into a simple Rate Your Match five item compatibility rating system.

Outlining key personality traits and comparing these between you and a potential partner, you can gain a clearer picture of who you are most compatible with and why. In addition, concrete skills in discerning integrity, flirting and dealing well with loneliness so you don’t feel too desperate are also shared. All of these skills not only deepen your maturity, it also increases the likelihood your children will find high quality future partnerships themselves. 

Contents

  • Introduction: Selecting A Mate, Appreciating Yourself
  • Determining Your (True) Dating Purpose 
  • Rate Your Match
  • Discerning Manipulation 
  • Ethical Seduction 
  • In The Meantime (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 27 minutes, (exercises) 30 minutes 

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Negative Habits: Exploring My Patterns

$9.95

Would you like a non-dramatic, private way to evaluate your relationship to your own habits?

Habits, (including working, sex, substances, shopping, exercise, gambling, pornography or others), don’t necessarily start out as negative addictions, but can become so quickly when they function as your default ways to compartmentalize and cope with confusion in your internal, emotional life.  

Negative Habits: Exploring My Patterns is a workbook to increase your own self awareness about your past unresolved grief and how to address it, either on your own, with your partner or with a therapist, so you can become more present for your future goals and desires. 

This is not a book about overcoming addiction and I’m not an addictions specialist. I was a grief counselor and similar to eBooks Feeling Grief, Loss, Anger, Resolving Abandonment and Rejection, Interpreting Trauma Responses: Dissociation and Reactivity, Retrieving My Childhood Self, negative habits and complicated defenses originate as a way to cope with grief. As in my practice, this book, along with the others, guides you to non-judgmentally explore your own unresolved grief wired into your nervous system, motivating habits. 

  • What do you associate with self soothing? When did this start? 
  • What losses were happening in your life at that time?
  • How do negative habits feed your deeper addiction to shame? 
  • What resources would you like to build up instead?

Approaching your personal story of loss, anger and coping first, instead of circling around the drama of your behaviors, you can start to demonstrate deeper curiosity about yourself, increasing the energy necessary for setting and sustaining future healthier habits.

Contents

  • Introduction: What is pain? What is pleasure? 
  • Self Soothing: Pleasure and Pain                    
  • Adaptations
  • Authority Figures, Identity, Integrity 
  • Rebuilding Integrity (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 25 minutes

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Plotting My Sexual Revolution: Overcoming Performance Issues

$9.95

How would my life be different if I felt inspired and safe to express myself sexually? 

Your sexuality is your own. An extension of your unique self to express how, when, why you choose.

Plotting My Sexual Revolution: Overcoming Performance Issues reflects the approach to sex and intimacy I take with clients in my practice. Being introduced to adaptive sexuality early in my career as when working in a hospital, along with theories of differentiation of self, among other influences, have positively broadened my approach. Your body is your own, tells a story that you deserve to listen to.

Insead of reducing sexuality as a form of currency that you have to exchange, work on, prove or defend politically or personally, or owe your partner, you start with an empowered premise that sexuality is yours to express. Seeing sexuality as a broader concept, not solely a technical act, opens up the conversation. Sexuality, like passion, however that is expressed, should feel creative, inspiring, generative, not mechanical, other oriented, performative or forced.

This book overviews some sexual education basics  about phases of sexual intimacy and arousal cues to use as a stand alone, with your partner or therapist. Guiding you to troubleshoot your own specific issues that may be blocking your individual organic expression of sexuality. 

Approaching your own sexual life with curiosity, compassion and competence, you signal to yourself that you can face this part of your experience and that your personal happiness is very much worth investing in. 

Contents

  • Introduction: Love Sex Trust 
  • Tuning In, Turning On
  • Sexuality Idealized Design 
  • Phases, Desire-Arousal Cues, Identity 
  • Reworking Mistrust-Performance Issues (Skills)
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 34 minutes, (exercises) 20 minutes 

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Private Couples Retreat: Do It Yourself

$9.95

Would you like to deepen, reignite, or decide about your relationship on your own in a private, cost efficient way?

Entering into a relationship is an investment you want to protect and nurture.

While there’s no absolute guarantee that you’ll end up on the winning side of risk versus reward, embarking on the journey into being loved is ambitious. Starting a love story is brave, a pathway to overcome the confines of your own self, deepening your maturity and life, both now and for future generations.

Private Couple Retreat: DIY is a workbook helping you create your own immersive, inexpensive couple’s experience. You decrease the emotional, financial, physiological risks inherent in relationships by becoming competent. This book walks you through the steps I use in my practice helping couples deepen, reignite or decide about their relationship. 

Learning skills to navigate your current relationship, and using additional eBook resources, you create a theory of “why” your relationship exists as it does now, articulating your true desires for moving forward. Building a conscious strategy, you become empowered.

Not existing unconsciously codependent in your relationship, confused, frustrated, blowing around in the wind, you have agency. You develop independent tools to tell the truth to yourself and your partner about how much love you truly want, seeing what is truly possible between you two. 

Contents

  • Adaptations to Intimacy
  • Retreat Blueprints 
    • Logistics
    • Pathways
    • Mindset
    • Tips
  • Scripts
  • Pitching Retreat to Partner 
  • Safety Protocol
  • Evaluating Outcomes
  • Resources

Estimated read time, 29 minutes